Wednesday, April 6, 2011

the world wide web.

First off, I would just like to say I do not know how you people that blog every day do it???!
I honestly feel like I have nothing to say.
Maybe, once I have the baby, I will have something to talk about every single minute day.
But seriously, I just can't do it.
My life is not eventful or interesting.
I don't do enough to have a blog to "capture all those little moments."
But don't you worry- I religiously stalk and read my daily blogs! :) I've gotta stay in the loop!

But since we are talking about blogs I've been thinking...
(Oh great- I know!!)
Reading people's blogs are interesting. Ya know?
Some people are very raw and real.
Other's choose to keep is their "happy place."
Neither of which is "right or wrong", "typical", "fake", or anything.
People blog to journal.
People blog to vent.
People blog to have interaction with others that they might not get otherwise.
I see a great need for people to have an outlet to talk about whatever they want.
...for people to talk about whatever they need to talk about. 

But then there is me.
I'm not good with expressing myself with my words, unless you know me well.
Things I saw are often misconstrued because of the tone I use.
People are often offended because they ask my opinion and they aren't prepared for the truth honesty.
I'm beyond terrible at showing excitement because it makes me feel awkward.
I hate things that make me cry, whether out of sadness or joy, because I feel venerable or weak.
I'm not good at showing my emotions unless it's a "frustrated/angry/annoyed" emotion.
I'm only good at showing when I'm mad because sadly that's the only time I feel completely in control.
That's when I know exactly what I am feeling and why I am feeling that way.
I'm just bad with emotions.

It's funny.
People think because I am so opinionated and so "outspoken" that I have a tough skin.
And it's not that I don't.
I can handle the truth.  and honesty.
People think because I am so opinionated that I don't care what others think about me.
When I do.
I'm not "self-conscious" about what others think.
But I care.

What I can't handle is the unknown.
I can't handle when I am completely myself and I don't know where I stand with someone.
I like to know what people think.
I'm an "acquired" taste of a personality.
Meaning I am QUITE aware I am not for everyone.
And that is fine.
It doesn't hurt my feelings.
But it doesn't mean I don't care either.
It just means I click with some and not with others.

What DOES bother me is that when people assume that since I am so opinionated that I am like that 100% all of the time. Sometimes I really don't have an opinion. OR sometimes I have an opinion that in that circumstance I know doesn't matter or won't change anything.

What DOES bother me is when people laugh when I say I do actually hold my tongue of my true feelings and thoughts 90% of the time.

What DOES bother me is when someone thinks they've got me all figured out. When in fact they probably haven't even scratched the surface.

I'm just easily bothered by people. (oh my gosh, yes, I said that.) Now everyone thinks I'm a horrible heart-less person. But since this is my blog I can be as truthful as I want. It's funny because the longer I type this entry the more I feel like someone will be thinking "Wow, who made her mad?" or "Man, I wonder who she is talking about?" Neither of which is the case. Actually I sat down here to write about something completely opposite than this. I have no idea where this is coming from. I just started reading other's blogs and realized exactly how personal people get on the internet. All of that to say, I don't know exactly how much of my life I really want to expose on here. There is definitely nothing on here that I would not say in "real life" or be uncomfortable with a stranger knowing. I mean, come on, this is the world wide web, people. Everyone has access to it. But I don't know... I don't know that I want to expose my entire past history. I don't know what I want people to know about me. I don't know if I like the idea of people knowing and seeing how I feel. I haven't decided. But that's for me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE reading other's blogs who "bare it all" without limits. I like to see people being true to themselves. But is it not a little funny knowing that these people reading your inner-most feelings, emotions, experiences, could possibly be people you've never met or will never meet? [I know this because I follow people I've never met ;) ] I just don't know.

Maybe next time I get on here I will write about what I intended to write about today. ha!

PS- I had a baby shower this past weekend and am having another one on Saturday. Baby showers are exciting! Except I feel horrible about opening presents in front of these nice people who bought me things because I can not show my excitement. I feel bad. I bet they all think I hate their gifts, which isn't true at all! I'm very gracious!

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